Most couples only talk about the relationship when something is wrong. A regular check-in changes that. It is a short, planned conversation where you both say how things are going, while the stakes are low.
How to run a check-in
- Pick a time. Thirty minutes, once a week, when you are both calm and not rushed. Not in bed, not in the middle of an argument.
- Start with appreciation. Each person names one thing the other did that they valued this week.
- Take turns. One person speaks while the other listens, then swap. No interrupting.
- Use "I" statements. "I felt left out on Saturday" lands better than "you ignored me".
- End with one agreement. One small thing each of you will do before next time.
20 questions to choose from
How we are doing
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how connected did you feel this week?
- What made you feel closest to me this week?
- Was there a moment you felt distant?
- What is one thing I did that you appreciated?
- What is on your mind that we have not talked about?
What we need
- What is one thing I could do that would make your week easier?
- Do you feel heard when we talk about difficult things?
- Do we have enough time together, just the two of us?
- Is there something you have been wanting to ask me?
- How are you really, outside of us?
Intimacy and affection
- Are you getting the affection you want?
- What is one thing that makes you feel desired?
- Is there something new you would like us to try together?
- How do you feel about our physical closeness right now?
Looking ahead
- What are we looking forward to?
- What is stressing us as a couple right now, such as money, work or family?
- Is there a decision we need to make together?
- What would make next week better than this one?
- What is one thing we should do more of?
- What are you grateful for in us?
Keep it safe
A check-in is not the place to settle a big fight or deliver a list of complaints. If a topic gets heated, pause, agree on a time to come back to it, and take a break. If you feel unsafe or controlled in your relationship, seek support from a professional or a local service.
About Amored. Amored is a private, text-based app for adults (18+): partner profiles, a relationship journal, guided conversations and an AI relationship coach. Free on iOS and Android.